Choosing Our Friends Adult Style

Yesterday was a lovely day and I enjoyed part of it lunching by the water's edge at the Lincolnville Lobster Shack with my friend Rufus Foshee. I first met Rufus, four years ago when I received a call one evening as I was packing for a holiday in California. It was Rufus, who had seen an article in the Free Press about my film in progress on Louise Nevelson. Later that evening I left Rufus' home with nearly two hours of interview footage of him sharing his insights into the life and art of Ms. Nevelson. Thus began a friendship that includes among other things, our lunches or "mini salons", as I like to refer to them.

Now many of you may know Rufus as a man of strong opinions and one who is not shy about sharing them, or as Bob Indiana smilingly described him ". . . oh yes, Rufus, our harshest critic." and if some readers of this blog have had their differences with him, well that is between the two of you. Rufus is a friend of mine and while he might not pull any punches, I firmly believe that he would never say something about any one or thing in private that he would not be happy to repeat in public. So while we don't always agree, (what fun would it be if we all agreed on everything) I certainly respect his right to his open and honest opinions.

Thanks again for lunch my friend.

Last night, I had the privilege of joining my dear friend Nathalie Weisgall and her family for dinner. As Nathalie and I sat in her kitchen, awaiting the arrival of the group, we talked about some of the people we both knew in the Midcoast area. I commented on the fact that many of us as adults seem to feel the need to form camps in our relationships. Just as in high school when we were friends with one we often excluded another because the one we called a friend first didn't get along with other. My question is this: why must we take sides, when often the reasons two individuals don't get along are personal and in no way reflect the overall qualities of either individual? Isn't this the very reason that our country has become so politically and socially polarized?

Now, let me state before I continue that I firmly follow the following principle:

If someone is nice to you but not nice to your waitress, then they are probably not a very nice person.

That said, let's try and judge each individual on their own merits and decide how we feel about them personally and if someone you call friend develops a friendship with someone you aren't very fond of - well, so be it. Don't force someone you care about to make the kind of choice we often made when we were children.

Last night as I sat at dinner with Nathalie and her family I was struck by how lucky I am to have come to this place and found so many dear people to share my life with. High on that list is Nathalie herself. I must say, I never fail to leave her company feeling more alive and just plain happier than when I arrived. To her and the rest of her lovely family thank you for making me feel so welcome at your family gathering. You are all a joy to be with.